STRANGERS WITH CANDY PREMIERE

June 21, 2006

Last night was the long-awaited (by me) premiere of the "Strangers with Candy" movie, starring Amy Sedaris, Stephen Colbert, and Paul Dinello. It was a low-key premiere, perfectly in keeping with the low-key vibe of its stars. It was, oddly, on 2nd Ave. between 59th and 60th, and sexy shrink Dr. Amanda Baten was my date.

A security team manned the will-call line with an intensity that I have never seen. If our President was curious about locating and killing Osama, he might hire the thugs from the "Strangers with Candy" will-call line. Though they weren't checking cellphones (a la the "Devil wears Prada" prem on Monday), I got the distinct impression that a cavity search was not out of the question.

It started a half hour late (they always start a half hour late and I always cluelessly show up on time) after a listless speech by a distribution exec and Amy telling us that the film was "dedicated to ugly people." The movie features most of the original cast from the Comedy Central series on which it's based and also stars Matthew Broderick, Phillip Seymour Hoffman, Allison Janney, Sarah Jessica Parker and scene-stealer Kristen Johnston.

We did not stop laughing from start to finish. The sight of Jerri Blank projected several stories before us is the gag that kept on giving, and the dark premise of a 45-year-old boozer, user and loser picking up her life and starting where she left off -- in high school -- is punctuated with a ton of fresh yuks. We (and everybody else) loved it.

The party had high highs and low lows. It was held across the street from the theater at the Upper East Side candy emporium Dylan's Candy Bar. I think a marketing person got carried away with themselves thinking it was a great pun (and thus great idea) to have a party for a movie with "Candy" in the title at a candy store. I appreciate the thought but I dunno if it worked or lived up to the fun of the movie. They should've considered having it at a drugstore, which thematically is a good fit.

Upon entry, everyone was given a bag to fill with candy. That was good. I took jelly beans, cherry medallians, non pariels, apple gummy bears, strawberry licorice, and purple M&Ms. The lights were set on "old people" mode and were just short of kleig strength. That was bad. The food that was passed was comfort food like little hot dogs, little cheeseburgers, little mac and cheese cups, and little pizzas. That was kind of good and I ate like a pig. There was plenty of food on account of the summer lady weight-watchers and the gays, who were starving themselves to fit into their gay pride costumes.

We were hanging out with Amy in a corner (she loves a corner) talking and trying to figure out the vibe of the party. There was a pr/handler who was half hovering around Amy because she wanted her to take some pictures for press. I asked the handler (in the most confused vulnerable way I could muster) how Amy and I could get drinks and she pointed to the crowded bar. I was trying to convey to her that the star of the movie wanted a drink so maybe she, as a pr/handler, should get her one but the handler never got it. Amy didn't either. It was my own private war that I was having with the handler. Nobody cared but me about our drinks. If it was up to Amy, she would've stood in line herself for a beer and not thought twice about it.

I got us beers, filled my candy bag, and split. I can't wait to see the movie again.

Swimsuit Fashion Disasters

June 09, 2006

I am a firm believer in the swim "trunk." For me, this comes in the form of Nike running shorts that I use as a swimsuit. This is what works for me. The shorts are versatile, not too long (I have short legs), and, most importantly, as flattering as a swimsuit can be. People -- let's face it I'm talking about the gays -- seem to forget that whether a swimsuit is flattering should be Topic A when picking out beach gear. Sometimes this gets lost in the name of fashion.

If you're looking for bad, fashion-victim swimsuits, head to East Hampton's gay beach: Two Mile Hollow. As Jerry Seinfeld walks by on a stroll from his nearby house, and he often does, you see him mentally making notes about gays and the way they "present" themselves. What makes this beach different from, say, the Fire Island beaches is that the default swimsuit of FI seems to be a bikini. Doesn't matter your shape or size, it’s ok to throw on a banana hammock on Fire Island. Some people in the Hamptons use the bikini fallback, but most are blinded by fashion.

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