Episode Four: This Gay Revolution WILL be Televised

November 19, 2007

Page 1 | Page 2 | Page 3 | Page 4

The remaining boy-testants are all in one room together. Pants up! Actually they’re all sort of just kicking back, doing some shots and, watching this, I’m feeling right at home. One of them makes an off the cuff sexual innuendo and suddenly I’m in someone else’s bedroom. Darren and Sean are bonding; Wes, Dan, and Robb seem to share common interests. But where’s James I wonder? What gives with the “leading man?” He’s out by the pool with Andra and they’re playing with a hobby horse. And that’s not one of my patented ‘straight guy’ flights of hyperbole either. It’s actually what he’s doing.

James seems to have several of these moments. I’m calling them “parent/child switch bodies like it’s a late 80’s movie” moments. Is he going to dance on a piano in a toy store next? Or do whatever it was Judge Reinhold might have done in his lame imitation of a movie of the same sort?

When James shows up at the house to meet up with the boys I notice the deft way that Sean backs out of kissing him hello.

‘Hello’, I say (to myself). Then I say ‘Oh snap. Recidivism,’ which is what I always say when someone doesn’t express themselves physically to my liking. So what’s the fun activity going to be? Horseback riding! Wait … they didn’t already do that one? No, that was gay cowboy dancing from Episode 2. This is gay cowboy horseback riding. Did Ang Lee script this series? They are milking the hell out of that Brokeback motif aren’t they?

All the guys are on horses except that Robb is pulling up the rear and, for once, he’s upset about it. Yowzas! Bang! Zoom! I’m here all night. The straight guy’s here all night.

This time James has his one on one with Brian the lascivious bartender. I only say lascivious because of James’ massive misgivings about Brian’s profession -- perhaps over blown misgivings. It’s not the oldest profession James. It’s not even “agent at William Morris.” He asks Brian some of his Miss America questions and Brian seems to convince him that bartending is just a way for him to pay the bills. What he really wants to do is … frankly, I forget what he wants to do. I nodded off. Whatever it is, it’s far less interesting on a social level and he won’t get laid off of it nearly as much.

READ MORE > >