Ashton's Hot Bod, Babe, Visit Des Moines

May 31, 2006

Iowans scored a celeb sighting when model-turned-Punk'd star Ashton Kutcher brought his own personal Mrs. Robinson (AKA Demi Moore) to a dive bar near his hometown of Homestead.

Their visit was no quickie. The lovebirds stayed until closing time. Paparazzi was nowhere near, but text messages were traded with a DJ in Los Angeles to verify the visit.

Next time, can’t someone use their camera phone to snap a pick?

Liz Not Losing Her Mind

May 31, 2006

“Do I look like I’m dying?” Elizabeth Taylor asked Larry King last night. “Do I look or sound like I have Alzheimer’s?”

Ladies and gentlemen reading OUTzone: Don’t answer that question. Cleopatra looks and sounds as twisted-amazing as the day she donned her first pound of eyeliner.

The 74-year-old visited King to dispute a National Enquirer article June 5 with the headline: “Liz Alzheimer’s Tragedy.”

“Oh, my God. Am I dead, am I alive?” an exasperated Taylor said. King point out that Taylor was using a wheelchair. “My back has been chronically bad since I was a teenager,” she explained.

As long as she doesn’t go visiting Michael Jackson in Bahrain, Iraq, or Syria — Where is he hiding? — then all is well in the world of Liz.

Two Queens, Both Named Mary

May 31, 2006

An exhibition of Marilyn Monroe memorabilia onboard the The Queen Mary in Long Beach, CA, has set off a firestorm. And a pesky lawsuit.

Thousands of people have paid $22.95 each to see the exhibition of Monroe ephemera since it opened in November 2005, and now two visitors have filed a lawsuit asking for their money back, and punitive damages.

The display includes pivotal items in the starlet’s life such as hair rollers and a lipstick holder. The accusers say the stuff dates from after the blond bombshell died in 1962.

The biggest Mary (the boat) has made no comment on the fracas caused by Little Mary’s dusty stuff. Chicago collector Robert W. Otto, who owns Ms. M’s curlers, has previously insisted the items are authentic.

Straight Man Wastes Ca$h on Shiny Vase

May 30, 2006

Steve Wynn, previously a harmless but wealthy heterosexual in the gambling business, has gone Ming. The reigning king of Vegas, Atlantic City and Macau — where his casinos virtually mint money — just dropped $10 million dollars on a Ming Vase.

The beautiful bauble is sparkly enough to make the oldest of old-school queens weep in her chardonnay.

Wynn dropped the exhorbitant amount of cash on a piece of glass at Christie’s auction house. The exact age of the objet de Ming is unknown — but it’s roughly about 500-plus years old.

Gayest Not-Gay-Movie Ever Breaks Records

May 30, 2006

X-Men: The Last Stand continued down the rode paved by Brokeback Mountain. The queer flick was the #1 movie at the box office and broke the record for the most money earned over a Memorial Day weekend.

In four days, the flick about mutants (gays) and whether they should be cured (like some Christians think gays should be) raked in $122.9 million. That’s enough for Steve Wynn to buy 12 more Ming vases!

The director of the first two X-Men movies dropped out -- Bryan Singer (a real gay) opted to make Superman instead. The reviews were mediocre. But this third installment still managed to break the bank.

Return of the Osmond

May 30, 2006

Culture-vultures in Manhattan have found another way to attract tourists. They’re bringing Donny Osmond to Broadway in September. The brother of Marie is joining the cast of “Beauty and the Beast.”

Don’t forget, the 49-year-old is a stage veteran. Ten years ago he starred in a touring production of the indestructible Andrew Lloyd Webber musical “Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat.”

With his perfect white teeth, there’s no chance Donny will be donning the Beast’s costume. It’s Gaston for him.