Movie Review: "Enchanted" Pretty Much Sucks, Except for Amy Adams, Who Is a Truly Gifted Actress

November 26, 2007

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Everyone else does exactly what they're supposed to do. This has to be Susan Sarandon's favorite job to date. She did some quick voice work, and then they shot her for a day or two in Times Square. Didn't even have to get a sitter, and she can work from home.

Patrick Dempsey plays mopey in the way that always lands him in "People" magazine, and James Marsden has not a lot to do but seem predictable and a little stupid. And there are some other people in the movie, but after you figure out that the snarky girl (Idina Mendzel) is going to go back to the fairy-town with the Prince, you just kind of want a drink.

It's easy to see that the people at Disney had a tricky time with this one, and those meetings probably took a really long time.

SUIT: How do we protect the "Princess" brand while making the "Princess" someone who can also be the hero?
FRESH-FACED WRITER: She saves the man she loves.
SUIT: Well. Maybe. But only if he saves her first.
FFW: Uhm...well.
SUIT: And is there any way to save him by shopping or, like, you know, getting a facial?
FFW: Can she be smart?
SUIT: Mmmmm…she can be curious. How's that? Is curious forward thinking?
FFW: Sort of… Can we include bits about other smart women?
SUIT: I am genuinely confused by that concept.
FFW: Well, say we mention Eleanor Roosevelt, or Madame Curie?
SUIT: Only if you mention that when Curie used her brains --they only got her into trouble and later killed her.
FFW: Okay, scratch that. What if the Princess is very brave?
SUIT: Eh. Let's go with "a little irrational because she's so in love."
FFW: (sighs) O-kay. How does it end though? After she saves him, does she get a law degree? Become Mayor of New York?
SUIT: Oh no no no. Are you out of your mind? I think she should start designing pink flower girl dresses.
FFW: Well…
SUIT: And if you can get any product-placement in, that'd be awesome too.

We wish we were kidding. But, honestly, all of the above seems to be how it happened, up to and including poor dead Marie Curie. Even the ending, with the flower girl dresses, and Patrick Dempsey, and the "yes, Virginia, most stepmothers are wicked unless they're tragically stupid" only served to make us want to enroll our previously mentioned nieces in screenwriting classes, so that they can write a story that actually tells them who they can be.

They can write whatever crap they want -- they just have to cast Amy Adams.