Rosie, Roseanne, and the Llamas

November 08, 2007

Sorry for my blogging absence through October. I am in the middle of planning my wedding, studying for the GMAT, and convincing my girlfriend NAM that we should own a llama farm in South Jersey. I will keep you all posted on how they all work out.

But alas I am back and ready to go…

Last night NAM and I went to the NY Comedy Festival to go see Rosie O'Donnell perform. As a fan of Vh1's Stand-up Spotlight (I always thought it was the coolest thing to see a woman in a tuxedo) we did what every other young lesbian in NY would, we purchased the cheapest tickets and sat in the rafters to see Rosie speak her mind. I have to admit I was intrigued by how young and hip the audience was in our section, it was like going to an Indigo Girls concert except everyone was in better clothes.

To start, Rosie walked out to Eminem's "Without Me" and high-fived the front row .

To everyone's surprise , she announced that she wasn't going to talk about "The View." She said it "was over" and she preceded to move on by talking about Kabbalah and how the red string everyone wears costs $32 dollars. From family life to politics, she was exactly what made her so great on daytime TV last year and a reminder of what we are missing this year.

45 Mins into her set, she talked about when she was touring around the country in the 80's there were so few female comics in the circuit that they never got to work together. She mentioned how one time she saw on a bill that another woman was performing and her name Roseanne (Rosie's given name). This comic had just been picked to perform on Johnny Carson and a few years later had her own hit series.

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Greetings From Montreal

August 29, 2007

Yes, gay Montreal.
As you can see by the photos, it’s a real happening town. Those dots on the screen are me.

Going Bald Sucks

August 24, 2007

Over a year ago. I noticed something was a little off. I was sitting in a meeting in my boss' office writing notes and a few strands of hair fell gently off my head and on to my to my notepad. Thinking nothing of it, and hoping no one was watching I shooed them off the table and I went on with my day. Then the very next day a few more hairs appeared on my notebook. Something wasn't right.

To start, I have had baby fine hair since my 13th summer when I decided it would look cool if I dumped a bottle of peroxide on my head every week. My plan was to look like a chunky Mary Stuart Masterson in "Some Kind of Wonderful," instead I looked more like an aging golden retriever. After that failed attempt I have since opted to sit with the old ladies in my hometown and get my hair highlighted by wearing a cap that looks like a Barbie head when you turn it inside out. Ahh..., the secrets of my beauty.

After a few endless days of staring at the back of my head by angling a compact mirror in the right light for hours and calling my mother every night insisting that their were bald ladies in our family that no one wanted to talk about, I finally broke down and went to a dermatologist. And I thought they only did skin…

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My Dad Has Worn My Underwear

July 31, 2007

- Not intentionally, but he has....

hmm... Where do I start. I love boxer shorts. The louder in color they are, the better. I have everything from seals carrying bate and tackle to sunflowers (an ex-girlfriends failed attempt to feminize me). I highly recommend Jcrew - they have the best patterns.

Boxers were a slight addiction. I'd wear them everyday, even if that meant you could see them through my pants. I haven't worn linen khakis since.

When I was younger, My 95+ year old grandma was insistent that if I was to wear boxers as my bloomers, there were no secrets in our house, than she was going to sew the crouches up for me. I don't know where she found fluorescent orange thread, but all 76 pairs of my shorts were sewed up with seamlessly.
Semi grown-up and long gone from living at my parents, I still leave clothes behind for my returning visits. Mainly because I am too lazy to lug home dirty laundry. Thanks Mom!

Shortly after one of my trips home, my parents went to a dinner party at the neighbors house. After dinner was served and before the coffee was finished brewing, my dad excused himself from the table and went into the bathroom. After a longer than expected amount of time, my father finally walked back into the dinning room laughing. As if they were in their own kitchen my father announced to the party of 10 that he had my underwear on. With my mom the only other guest laughing, he explained that he tried to find the slit in his boxers and when he couldn't he assumed that he had them on backwards. So he turned the shorts around and again couldn't find a way out. He apparently did this for about 15 mins.

Lesbians in TV: The Charter

July 31, 2007

I thought there would be more dykes in TV.

Upon graduating with my surprisingly lower than expected GPA, I decided to do exactly what I got my degree in: watching TV.

Finally watching endless hours of "Sale of the Century" and "Small Wonder" would pay off. Plus I thought I'd have the dating life of a champion. I was certain there would be plenty of chicks out there like me working in TV and looking for the same. I just had to pick the right road they were all heading down.

Road 1 -- production. I'd get to wear jeans and a headset everyday with a cigarette stashed behind my ear. Hot,
right?

Road 2 -- corporate. I'd have to brush my hair, stock up on khakis, and remember how to spell.

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