Found Photos, Cars, and Dreamgirls

June 30, 2006

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WHO’S THIS GIRL?

Okay, so I’m on Amazon.com ordering the new Leann Rimes pop CD Whatever We Wanna that’s available as an import only. (Look, you knew this was a gay site when you logged on.) After ordering my CD, I thought I’d zip over to the page for my 1998 novel Misadventures in the (213), thinking that maybe basking in my past published-ness might light a fire under my ass and make the new book I’m working on materialize before my eyes fully-formed like one of the chicks on "Charmed." So while I’m there, I notice that there is a used copy of Misadventures for sale for $.01. You read right; one cent. I thought it must be a mistake but then I noticed there were many copies of (213) available for one cent, from many different outlets. Could this be right? Would a bookstore be so sick of having my book around that they’d take a penny to get it off their hands?

You’re darn tootin’, they would -- if they could make a couple bucks profit on the shipping and handling. Once I took my ego out of the equation, I was delighted at this proposition because I like to give my books to people I want something from and my stock was running low. So I ordered a few.

Here’s where things get interesting. The first copy to arrive, from an outlet called Central Book Exchange, had the accompanying two snapshots stuck inside as a placeholder. They’re of a comely young woman -- I’ve decided her name is Lucy -- who seems like quite the good-time gal to me, as I like to imagine many of my readers are. Lucy, it seems, has decided to take a break from reading my book and grab a quick shower. Perhaps she was sweaty from laughing so hard and needed a good rinse-off. Shot #1, shown below, is Lucy pre-shower, hugging a towel to her chest and giving a coquettish look as if to say, “Hurry and take the picture so I can get back to the amazing book I’m reading.”

Shot #2 is where Lucy really gives up the goods. In fact, it’s so good my editors won’t let me show it to you. She’s in the shower with white goo in her hair. I’ll say it’s shampoo. Lucy’s got a big, goofy smile on her face. Perhaps she’s laughing at the memory of a particularly clever passage. Notice also the faint bikini tan line. Maybe Lucy was reading my book at the beach. Or a la plage, if she were in France. She could easily have been in France. I hear they have green washcloths there and notice, Lucy has a green washcloth. I’m not sure what Lucy’s hands are up to but I like to imagine it’s something frisky. Perhaps she figured, "Hensley’s delightful prose has gotten me halfway to heaven, I might as well finish myself off here in the shower."

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