SELL IT LIKE IT IS

July 13, 2006

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SHE HAD ME AT “COOL BEANS”

When Kelly Clarkson emerged as the one to beat on season one of American Idol, I declared my love for her to be “deep and abiding” and I’ve not wavered since. I made her one of my TiVo Key Words. I saw From Justin to Kelly in the movie theater. I cherish every new version of “Beautiful Disaster” she serves up. And hey, if she wants to do her concerts barefoot, that’s fine by me -- though I do worry about her stepping on a rusty nail and dying of tetanus or tripping on a speaker cable and getting electrocuted. The point is, I’ll follow that former cocktail waitress/movie theater usher anywhere. I might even follow her to better skin.

While watching E! the other day--they were counting down something, I forget what, but it was very important for me to see all of it--I made the somewhat shocking discovery that my favorite Burlston, Texas native is now doing commercials for Proactiv skincare. My first thought was, “Are you sure, Kelly? This is borderline Cher infomercial territory. Cher still hasn’t lived down her stint stumping for the Laurie Davis hair kit.” But my reservations vanished as I watched Kelly open up about her journey with problem skin. I savored every zoom into her pre-Proactiv pizza face and I particularly loved the part where she admitted the stress of doing Idol was absolute murder on her skin. No surprise there. It can’t be easy to get your beauty sleep when Nikki McKibbin’s next door doing God knows what at all hours. Anyway, Kelly’s Proactiv spot was like a flashback to Season One of Idol where Kelly only wore make-up on show days, ate like a normal person and said “Cool beans,” all the time. I wonder if she still says “Cool beans” or if Clive Davis or some other A & R titan stomped the cool beans right out of her.

I embrace Kelly’s new ad because when you’re a Kelly-holic, you take what you can get and you like it. A new Kelly Clarkson release is a still a new Kelly Clarkson release, even when it’s on E! at 3 in the morning. I daresay the commercial would have easily ranked as my favorite entertainment program of that week had Star Jones not decided to tell Barbara Walters to take that tacky, early-American View engraved coffee table and shove it right up her ass. That shit was delicious.

But here’s a question: How does Proactiv get huge stars like Kelly, P. Diddy, Jessica Simpson, Brooke Shields and Vanessa Williams to sing their praises in a medium that is dangerously close to national joke territory? There are two possible explanations: 1) They pay huge, or 2) It actually works. I have a couple of friends who swear by Proactiv, so maybe it’s the latter.

This is how it might have played out with Kelly. She’s struggling with blemishes during Idol. R.J. or A.J. or Ejay lent her some Proactiv to try. It works for her. She makes a grateful phone call. A few free cases of product later, she’s got herself a contract, a call time and she’s scrolling through her iPhoto library for good pimple pics.

If her ad catches on, I have a great idea for a promotional tie-in. Have a contest called “Since I’ve Been Clear” where one lucky fan gets to go backstage, have their picture taken with Kelly and then pop her last zit onto a baby wipe -- which will then be sold on eBay with the proceeds benefiting VH-1’s Save the Music.

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