Tantrums and Tiaras

December 29, 2006

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Okay, how delicious was the Tara Conner / Donald Trump tarnished Miss USA press conference? I think that’s my favorite holiday TV special of the year. I think it’s great that Tara’s getting a second chance but I fear she’s really going to owe Trump if you know what I mean.

Tara’s checking into rehab. Maybe she really has addiction problems but I doubt it. I think she’s going to rehab because that’s what public people do after the screw up royally. My question is this, if you go to rehab and you don’t truly have a substance abuse problem, what do you do when the rest of the patients are working on their addiction issues, needlepoint? Sodoku? Their nails?

Like many of you, I lived for Project Runway and I was very pleased that Tara wore Kane and Robert’s evening gown from the Runway challenge in the actual evening gown competition section of the Miss Universe Pageant. But I wasn’t really a fan of hers the rest of the time. For starters, she had a lame national costume in the opening parade of nations. The way I see it, when approaching the parade of nations, a gal has two options; slut it up and wear next to nothing or kitsch it up and make yourself into a walking parade float. Tara did neither. She phoned it in in some forgettable red, white and blue something (I told you it was forgettable) and I can’t get behind that, not when other girls toted gigantic showgirl feathers, and butterfly wings and Samurai swords all the way from God knows where. You try getting that shit through customs.

Then there was the Q & A segment where Tara repeatedly did this pageant thing that I find annoying, which is apologizing for something that doesn’t warrant an apology. For example, at one point, she said, “Well, I have to admit I’m a bit of a tomboy…” as though she’s confessing to being a klepto or a glue sniffer. I think it’s a think people do when they’re trying to appear humble. It’s like me saying, “Well, I have to admit, I’m a bit of a writer.” Tara did this again later in the competition when she made the top five. Her question was, ‘What’s your biggest flaw?’ and her answer again began with the disclaimer, “Well, I have to admit…I wear my heart on my shoulder.” First of all, being too nice for your own good isn’t much of a flaw. She would have been better off saying, “Well, I have to admit I’m an out of control party animal and if I win, I’m going to make Miss Teen USA tongue kiss me in public.” Now, that’s a decent flaw. Secondly, the expression is ‘I wear my heart on my sleeve’, not shoulder. Of course, Tara was wearing a sleeveless gown at the time so maybe I’m the asshole. Maybe she does wear her heart on her shoulder.

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