Shear Genius? or Shear Madness?

April 20, 2007

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The first thing that hits me while watching the new Bravo show “Shear Genius” is host Jaclyn Smith’s speaking voice. That smooth, deep voice takes me right back to my childhood when, like many of you, I was obsessed with “Charlie’s Angels.” Jackie’s voice has gotten a little huskier since the 70’s but it’s still weird to hear her saying stuff like, “Paul-John, I’m sorry. This is your final cut,” where you’re used to her saying stuff like, “We’ve got to defuse this bomb, Bri,” and “K-Mart, yes K-Mart.” It’s gonna take a little getting used to.

It’s also surreal that Jaclyn looks virtually the same as she did back in the day, which is to say gorgeous, particularly in the leopard print top and short skirt in episode 2. Jackie has suffered none of the unfortunate plastic surgery excesses of some of her cohorts. Remember when Jaclyn, Kate and Farrah appeared together to honor Aaron Spelling at the Emmy’s last fall? Jaclyn’s subtext was clear: “I win.”

Oh, speaking of aging angels, has anyone seen that menopause commercial with Cheryl Ladd? I’ve always loved Cheryl and thought she was the best actress of the bunch, but in this commercial, I didn’t recognize her at first. I thought it was Kim Basinger.

That’s how soft-focus it is.

This got me thinking. Wouldn’t it be funny if, for whatever reason, there was only one lens like that in all of Hollywood, like maybe it was insanely expensive to make. As a result, everyone in town had to share it. It could be called the Vas-o-Lens (as in Vasoline on the lens) and you would have to reserve it way in advance.

On Monday, Cheryl Ladd would have it for her menopause commercials, then it could head over to shoot, say, Cybill Shepherd in “The L World.” On Wednesday, Linda Evans and Joan Collins get it for their “ET” sit down, where Mary Hart might suggest they flip it on her for the reverse shot. Then Warren Beatty could get it on Thursday, etc. etc. Robin Antin wanted it for “The Search for the Next Pussycat Dolls” but the CW couldn’t afford it so she just got a new head instead.

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