Hey Paula: Episode 2

July 03, 2007

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I’ve noticed in my years in the fringe of show business that sometimes the energy around a celebrity is similar to the energy around a child but not just a regular child, more like a special-needs child, because the demands are usually irrational and out of left field. The poor posse always look exasperated and slightly terrified that the celebrity could go off at any moment. This is the look that Courtney has on her face when she’s digging in the bag.

The episode concludes with the aforementioned satellite tour. When this happened back earlier this year and the clips were everywhere, I remember thinking, ‘There’s no way in the world she’s not on something.’ But watching it happen in the context of “Hey Paula,” I think Paula’s claims of, “I wasn’t on anything,” have merit. If nothing else, “Hey Paula” has succeeded in convincing me that Paula wasn’t fucked up on that fateful day. She was just her usual exhausted, slaphappy self.

The weird thing is, I think she would have fared better with the public if she’d come out and said she was drunk. Getting a buzz on seems more fun than anything I’ve seen Paula do this whole series, and I want her to have some fun. She should have claimed she had been out partying with George Clooney the night before and was still a little hammered. Danny DeVito did that on The View and he got an endorsement deal out of it. Plus, Paula could stand to have a little of Clooney’s A-list stardust sprinkled on her petite little shoulders. Of course, she might try to eat it.

As you can see, Paula kind of rubbed me wrong this episode, but the person who pissed me off the most wasn’t Paula. It was some newscaster lady whose name I can’t tell you. She turns up in the montage of disparaging media reports after Paula’s loopy satellite tour. This newscaster looks into the camera bitterly and says, “Straight up, tell me were you drunk when you were talking to me?”

Newslady thinks she’s being cute with the play on Paula’s lyric, but, guess what, that’s not how the song goes. It should be “Straight up NOW tell me, were you drunk when you were talking to me? There should be a “Now” in there. Even Paula knows that...