Hey Paula: Episode 4

July 12, 2007

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Stop the presses! Is that a new Paula Abdul song that’s being played as the “Hey Paula” theme? I think it is, but why wasn’t it there from the beginning of the season? Was Paula late as usual? It’s not important. What is important is that there’s hope out there for fans of Paula’s music, like myself. I’d love a new Paula song-- or a whole CD-- to pop in and listen to.

She could call it Late and Exhausted because judging by “Hey Paula,” she’s always one or the other… and usually both. “I am late and I haven’t eaten anything,” she says early in episode 4 while in the limo on the way to an event for IDA, an organization that helps dogs. “I could probably eat a dog,” she quips. Boy, those Groundlings classes are really paying off.

Paula does a good job with her speech at the event, and allows plenty of dogs to kiss her on the red carpet. Someone who’s more into dogs than I am should write a thesis on the connection between celebs and their dogs-- particularly lady celebs-- because there’s a lot of psycho-fodder there. Better yet, maybe there could be a reality show among celebrity dog lovers, where they compete to see who loves their dogs more. I picture tongue kissing contests, poop bag relays, and a special prize for the cutest paparazzi dog photo.

In the green room after her speech, Paula makes use of some items in her vegetable basket to make small penis jokes about Simon Cowell. I still maintain that Paula’s faux animosity with Simon is the best thing she’s got going, shtick-wise. It’s the gift that keeps on giving. I wonder if Simon constantly makes jokes about Paula when she’s not around. I doubt it, and if he does, I don’t think they’re the kind Paula would appreciate.

Paula has nice interactions at the event, which is really good to see after so many episodes of drama drama drama. She compliments singer Brian McKnight and reunites with some of her former band members from her ‘Under My Spell’ tour. They seemed like a lot of fun. I was sort of hoping the camera crew would just go with them for a few hours and give Paula the rest of the night off.

All in all, it’s a good night for Paula, but she says she was too hungry to really enjoy it all. This show is all about Paula’s struggles to meet her biological needs: eating, sleeping and breathing oxygen. It’s like she’s a contestant on Survivor: Sherman Oaks.

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