Dear Santa

December 28, 2006

Dear Santa:

I know I haven't written in awhile. Please don't think that I haven't thought about you often, because I have. I've just been really swamped with work and the kid (or dog... but let don't ever let Sammy hear you call him a dog) and I have been meaning to send you a hello, but ya know- I lost your email address, I haven't seen Mrs. Clause in jazzercise lately, I stay away from Rudolf since he started drinking so heavily.

I am also aware that once again, I have missed your birthday. Also Christmas. But I know that you'll be going on your break soon, and so I thought I'd send my belated, though still totally reasonable Christmas list.

Far be it from me to assume my name made your "good" list this year, though I have to confess I've really been tryin' to pull it together- but just in case I am on the list, here are a couple of reasonable requests that I thought I would just put "out" there, just to see what may happen.

1. Please send me a new car! Not that I don't love and appreciate my blazer, but after living in Hollywood without my own parking space for a couple years, the poor ol' girl has just been beat to the ground. She's hanging in there... but I would love to give her an early retirement, she's earned it.

2. Please send my mom a boyfriend. After years of being single, and 2 gym memberships later, I just feel like it's her turn. She's pretty, she's fun, she can cook like the dickens... I think that the ONLY sensible thing to fill her "stocking" this year would be a SINGLE, LIBERAL, attractive, active gentleman in his late forties to mid fifties... maybe you know someone who is looking?

3. Please make my student loans disappear. They are just not funny. Not funny one little bit. I have a great sense of humor and can find nothing even remotely entertaining about student loans. I am beginning to believe they come from Satan himself disguised as Sallie Mae.

4. Please make a carb-free, gluten-free dessert that actually tastes like dessert.

5. World peace, naturally.

6. A classic Gem and the Holograms figurine... um, not to play with, but to display... yeah, for display purposes only.

7. A dinner date with Daniel Voscovic... just as friends- it's not like we have to fall instantly in love and register for our "commitment ceremony" at reasonably fancy stores in New York and Los Angeles. (We would probably want to have a ceremony on both coasts so it's easier for all our friends to attend..) and spend a meaningful life together-cooking and sewing and raising babies of many different ethnic backgrounds, being a picture of a modern healthy gay couple- overcoming every odd with the sheer strength of our love alone. Sigh... wait, where did I just go?

8. A new pair of kicks.

9. A new laptop.

10. And I really really would love to meet either Martha Stewart or an Olsen Twin.

Thanks for taking the time to look this over Nick. I know how busy it can be shutting down the operation for next year. Trying to get the payroll finished. Hey man, I've been there, running your own business is hard! I mean I rarely get to take a nap... I can't imagine what it's like for you this time of year.

Lets really try to commit to communicating more often. Let me hear from you once in awhile- maybe we can get some sushi at Katsuya or something fun like that. Well, good luck, and please, just consider a few of my requests.

With Love from a very good boy,
xxx,
Jesse