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Do You Have a Name For "It?"

February 12, 2007

So ... I was talking to a friend of mine -- a friend who many of you may be interested to know is a total and complete lesbo (ok, maybe not all that exciting, but I try to keep things as compelling as possible around here...). We were discussing the dynamics of relationships; lesbian vs. gay, and though there are many different elements to a lesbian relationship versus a gay relationship (* refer to the old joke concerning lesbian dating and the quickly-arriving Uhaul truck) we found there is one similarity often present.

What do you call your "partner" or "boy/girlfriend" or (if you want to go old school) "room-mate or companion" (barf.)?

Dina, my friend, has recently gotten hitched. There was a beautiful lesbian ceremony, and since I wasn't there I have to imagine acoustic Etheridge gently played as the guests sat at tasteful dinner tables with flannel table dressings, and Birkenstock as far as the eye can see. Just kidding -- that's just my fantasy of a lesbian wedding- maybe one day, maybe one awesomely special day I will get to plan a lesbian wedding. A boy has to have his dreams.

So I was training Dina and Amy the other day, and I made a comment and called them "girlfriends," they sorta smirked which indicated that they may have been uncomfortable at the title I just forced upon them ). Until gay marriage is legal everywhere we get to have "commitment ceremonies" (again, puke), and though it may suck, as of now it is simply our reality. But, in the gay community our "commitment ceremonies" are our weddings. So Amy and Dina are married.

They are no longer girlfriends, right? They are wives ... but it just sounds weird saying, "How's your wife?" And I don't think I could say "life partner" without giggling a little bit. So, here's my question: What do we call ourselves now-a-days? I'm getting to an age where settling down sounds nicer nicer each day. If I get married, do I have to call my man, husband? It just seems strange.

Here's what I propose. I think that we should work together to create a new name for someone we are settling down with, our (and here it comes again) "life partner". We obviously need something a little hip, without being too flamboyant or cheesy. A bit of class wouldn't hurt, but it can't seem like we take ourselves too seriously. There has to be a middle ground that can be reached- and it's up to YOU (the readers of this blog) to help me create the perfect word.

For now, I just call my guy, "baby" or "boo" or "Sugar lips" (not really) -- but I think I may have found myself a keeper ... and sooner or later I hope he makes an honest man out of me, but I sure hope he doesn't make a "domestic partner" out of me.

As for my lesbian friends ... for now I think they are just gonna have to choose who the husband is and who the lil' lady is ... that's just how it has to be ... of course I'm kidding. I just have to decide which indigo best represents either party and call them by their respectable name -- either Amy Rae or Emily... I LOVE THE INDIGO GIRLS!

xxx, Jesse

Comments

timmy wrote:

i think the cheesy names are the best.
hubby, boo, snugglepants, darlingface, starshine, etc, etc.

i don't have a real disliking for the word "boyfriend". it's youthful, even after a "commitment ceremony" has occured. maybe that's just my generation though...

posted at February 21, 2007 01:36 PM

Anson wrote:

maybe you can try to change the name a little bit? It don't hurt to sound cheesy does it? Baby sounds nice and cute...

posted at February 22, 2007 07:06 AM

sherry wrote:

Is spouse too boring and obvious? How about spouse mouse. They are committed, how about "I'd like to introduce you to my life sentence?!"

posted at February 22, 2007 12:31 PM

Maureen wrote:

Hi darling, I must say.. what a writer. So my .02 to this comment is that I believe that "bride" is a beautiful word, it represent beauty and youth as does the word "groom". So that is what I propose, that 50 years from now when we are old and gray and purched on a front porch over looking the sun set, or a a sandy corner of south beach I would still like to hear "you will always be my bride" or Groom in your case.
Hugs and loves!

posted at March 11, 2007 03:14 PM

Jenna wrote:

I would have to say that I don't mind the word 'wife.' Then again I have no 'wife' *tear* but I don't feel the need to change the word.

IF I did, hmm I'd have to say it'd be cute to choose an animal that is devoted to one partner their whole life, and use that. I have other ideas but they're not suitable for this blog teehee.

posted at March 20, 2007 04:45 PM

Shea wrote:

I try to keep it simple...I call her "my forever."

posted at March 21, 2007 12:29 AM

Mark Madrak wrote:

I call him my husband because, other than legally, he is my husband in every sense of the word. I will be with him until one of us dies...and then some.

posted at March 22, 2007 01:10 AM

Brandon wrote:

I would first like to say that I love you Jesse and I think that you are so hot. In response to your blog I cringe whenever I hear the terms "life partner", "domestic partner", or "commitment ceremony". They all just seem so distant and unpersonal. Whenever I am in a relationship, which I am currently not, I usually just refer to the person as "my baby" because I think boyfriend has a unserious flingy type connotation. I probably will never get married so I will just keep calling my significant others honey.

posted at March 27, 2007 09:55 PM

Bryan wrote:

Hey Jesse! I agree about finding another word for "Lover" et.al. I've referred to guys I was dating as "Boyfriends" in the past and it sounds really highschool now that i'm rapidly approaching 30. (sob) Glad to see you've found someone. Sad because it wasn't me! Later!

posted at April 11, 2007 02:09 PM

Vickie wrote:

Hi Jesse,

Love the show, love your comments. I'm an old boring hetero married lady, but when a lesbian friend married a few years back I puzzled over this sincerely.

She and I had discussed the whole terminology thing a number of times, and tried to use a decent amount of sensitivity and nuance in our approach. I finally decided that "wife" was the only reasonable term.

Here's why: married women in our culture (generally speaking) are wives. To assign a lesbian relationship the same weight as a hetero one, we need to use the same term.

So you and your one-day "forever" will be husbands to each other in my mind, whatever you decide to call yourselves.

Vickie

posted at April 11, 2007 02:28 PM

alexis wrote:

Hiya

I'm a lesbian but I always say I'm gay-the word lesbian just sounds so Native American to me haha.

I just call her, "my bitch." jk

but whatev-she's my lesbian girlfriend

posted at April 11, 2007 05:54 PM

Dee wrote:

What about "love"? Like..."this is my love, Jesse". I think what people feel comfortable with works best but to me the one you want to be with for the rest of your life is the person you love deeply. So why not just call them "my love".

posted at May 1, 2007 02:36 PM

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posted at May 27, 2007 07:48 AM