Early in this final episode Kevin Peak comes clean to the top ten guys about being an embedded model/judge. The guys react by using a lot of words that have to be bleeped. The look on Tate's face is so priceless it could inspire a cologne: "Dumbfounded, for the man who just doesn't get it."

But before we get to Kevin's big revelation, we have to leave Puerto Rico and get the guys to New York. At one point, their limo passes by a theater where the musical "Caroline of Change" is playing. I half-expected Rob to say, "You can just drop me off here." Instead they go to the Carnegie Deli, where Jon J. refers to his sandwich as a "tower of meat."

Then it's final challenge time and this one's a doosie. Rob and Jon are told they will be posing nude. (Translation: the producers want to see your cocks). Though this challenge clearly favors Jon J. -- Rob shines better in clothes -- Jon J. feels conflicted about it and threatens to not do the shoot. Bruce empathizes, saying that posing nude is "foreign to most men."

Bruce clearly hasn't been on Big Muscle.com. Or Adam4Adam.com. Or Gay.com. Or Manhunt.com. I could go on and on.

Jon J. hems and haws about posing nude right up until the moment when he serves it up. This scene is right out of "Fame" when Irene Cara as Coco gets pressured by the creepy photographer to take off her top. I keep waiting for the Manhunt photographer, Karl Simone, to say, "Tre jolie, Jon J...you're beautiful, baby..." while Jon J. cries and cries.

Both Jon's and Rob's buttocks and private parts are digitized in this sequence. Since we can't really see them, I like to imagine there's something really unique about them; like maybe Rob's penis is actually avocado-colored and maybe Jon J. has a tattoo of Bruce Hulse on his buttocks.

After sharing a finalists-only dinner at a really cool restaurant that looks like it's in a train station -- is it Grand Central? I want to go there -- Rob and Jon pack up their stuff and prepare for the final judging. Rob stuffs a mysterious round thing into his bag -- is it some kind of bomb? Is he going to blow everyone up if he doesn't win? That would be awesome. Maybe Jack Bauer could make a cameo.

My favorite shot of the episode is a wide shot of host Carmen Electra as she strolls through the middle of the warehouse/studio. It seems like the Pussycat Dolls might jump in there and do a number with her but alas, it doesn't happen. Carmen makes her announcements with her usual come-hither flair. As if said before, everything she says sounds like a come-on. I think she could bring a man to completion just by reciting the Pledge of Allegiance.

Then the big moment arrives and Jon Johnson is declared the winner, which is just groovy with me. I would have been fine with either of them. Is Jon working? I want to know how his career is going. Speaking of which, if you haven't read the interview with Rob on this site, check it out here.

So Manhunt online is over and I'm inconsolable. I'm sure the production offices are long closed down but is it too late to lobby for “Manhunt 2: The Curse of the Mesh Thong”?

This is one about Brett, the charming ex-chippendale dancer: "The previously booted Brett is the latest one to be revealed as having strutted his stuff somewhere else besides a catwalk."

This link and news about Maurice is going to take faithful "Manhunt" fans some work. But we can promise that you'll be pleasantly rewarded at the end of your cyber journey: "We knew it was just a matter of time before people started sniffing out the porn appearances of the men of Bravo's "Manhunt" (er, again). Ron might have been eliminated from the competition already, but it must be nice to know he'll be still be able to pick up his other modeling career where he left off."

A nice entry from our friends at Towleroad, even if it has a rude title, "Attack of the Clones."

We're still hunting for this one about Hunter. But the blurb is entertaining and gets us wondering just what exactly is/was going on. He was the most homophobic competitor, the most uncomfortable with the gays: "Try as we might, we still can't escape the glabrous, pouting replicants of "Manhunt" — what did the homosexualist TV viewing demographic watch on Tuesday nights before last week anyway? We hereby redirect you to an updated link to the appropriate forum at Dreamcaps, which is pretty much the only site you'll need to keep visually abreast (or apectoraled) of all the suspense — because unless we find out about some naked backstage footage, more hot male-on-male toe sucking action, or further photo evidence of, say, one contestant's former dancing career at some bar in Arkansas, we think it's kind of redundant to post any more news about it here."

Or just do a search of Fleshbot and see what you get.

“I’d like to see him nude on a surfboard…surfing naked.”

Thank you, Carmen Electra, for voicing what all of us watching “Manhunt” are thinking; that Hawaiian hottie Jon Johnson needs to show us his man-parts, preferably while surfing.

I think Carmen was married to rock god Dave Navarro when “Manhunt” was shot and therefore unable to act on her affection for the “Manhunt” men. But now, unless those Joan Jett rumors are true, she’s free and single and ready to mingle! I like to imagine Carmen running into one of the guys on a trans-Atlantic flight. She’s in first class, naturally -- he’s in coach. They’d have some champagne, laugh about old times, talk about what a hard-ass Bruce Hulse was, and then bang each other silly in the bathroom.

Hey, a blogger can dream.

First of all, I want to point out that on the bus ride to the resort, gay Rob works a neck pillow, which I appreciate because I’m no stranger to neck problems. But Rob has his work cut out for him because Southern charmer Hunter’s vowing to give the contest 110%. I think he knows that’s impossible, but with Hunter, you never know.

Then Kevin P. tries to get Hunter to do some shots, even though he’s just 20. This isn’t the first time that Kevin tried to get Hunter to drink. But Hunter just says no. Does Kevin want to get him drunk because the producers think that a hammered Hunter will make good TV or is Kevin planning to take advantage of him back at the suite?

I wonder.

Then it’s time for a calendar photo shoot on the beach. “I’ve always found that the guys that love the mirror the best are the ones that will do very well,” says the photographer, veteran calendar guy Art Hinds. At which point Rob marvels at how vain the other contestants are, particularly Maurice, who we’re now calling Mo apparently.

“We’ve got to get looks that will get a woman to pick up that calendar,” continues Hinds. Wait a minute. Women buy beefcake calendars? I thought that market was pretty much made up of gay guys, ex-gay guys and priests.

I’m learning so much from this show.

During the photo shoot, Kevin instructs the photographer on how to shoot him to “make my boobs look a lot bigger.”

I love that he calls them boobs.

After a catamaran ride with Carmen Electra straight out of the Duran Duran “Rio” video, model mentor Bruce Hulse shows up to ruin the fun. I know at least one of those guys was hoping he’d missed the plane or get held up at customs.

The guys are shown their calendar shots then put into a secret room so they can watch unsuspecting locals and tourists choose the calendar they like best. I appreciate that this sequence featured two gay guys who were just as ga-ga about the calendars as the women. In fact, I think one of the guys already had his lotion out.

Then the models were told they would be taking part in a daytime fashion show at the pool … or should I say over the pool. The men would be strutting their stuff on a Lucite runway that was erected on the pool’s surface (see what I mean about the budget kicking in?) The guys get to choose their swimwear for the runway show based on how popular their calendars were with the consumers. Second-place finisher Kevin P. picked the skimpiest suit—a pink Speedo—which I find curious.

If, as the embedded model, he’s trying to make the contest harder for the other guys, he should have left it for someone else, right? Or maybe he wasn’t in the mood to be an embedded model at that moment.

Maybe he was in the mood to rock a Speedo.

The show starts and Jon looks great in his flowered trunks, which causes Carmen to spout her nude surfing request and Bruce to opine, “He’s got a manly walk. He’s not sashaying his hips like a lot of these guys are.” Maurice gives us Mr. Roboto in orange trunks. Rob does some goofy dancing in his bike shorts. Kevin does a flip into the pool (which is captured by an underwater camera—definitely worth the line item addition to the budget). And Hunter again taps into his inner Pussycat doll by dropping to his knees and doing a series of head rolls and pelvic thrusts. “It got a little spring break occasionally,” Carmen said in her oh-so-delicate way. She’s kind and tactful and I love her for it.

Before the final scene, Maurice reveals that he has “never prayed this much in his life” as he has about this particular elimination. Bravo, why didn’t we see Maurice praying on TV? I think that would have inspirational. Or hilarious. Maybe even both.

The guys stand next to their easels and prepare to learn their fate. I don’t know if it’s the camera angle or what but Carmen looks like a dwarf next to the guys. Poor Rob gets his ass handed to him by Bruce, who says, “In 25 years of modeling I’ve never seen such an appalling display of runway work. It’s the worst I’ve ever seen. You’re not a dancer. You’re off rhythm. It was wretched.”

Rob resists the urge to hit Bruce over the head with Carmen Electra. Instead, he points out that he might have fared better if the guys were given a runway director. Bruce says he’s making excuses but I think he’s being reasonable. I think it’s unfair that the guys’ never had any real runway training. Couldn’t Miss Jay from “Top Model” have caught a flight down and helped them out? Oh right, like Tyra would ever allow that.

When it’s Kevin’s turn, Bruce gushes profusely, saying, “You looked great in the Speedo.” Someone has a crush. I wonder if Bruce wants to go fishing with Kevin. Then Bruce adds to the already palpable sexual energy in the room by telling the guys, “If I hammered you a little bit too hard, too bad.”

Then Carmen tells Hunter -- through tears, because she’s sensitive like that — that that was his last shot. I’m saddened by this development because Hunter’s kind of my favorite. I like his country-fried naiveté, his Jane Fonda-esque workout regimen and how gay he seems even though he’s straight. Perhaps my affection for Hunter comes from the fact that we both come from towns of about 5,000 and we both get accused of being “too Coyote Ugly for our own good.”

I hope that I run into Hunter at the gym so I can tell him how robbed I think he was. Of course, that would involve actually going to the gym and who the hell wants to do that when there are still more “Manhunt” episodes to watch?

“I make Orlando Bloom look like the Wicked Witch of the West.”

This gem of a soundbyte comes from our Keanu-esque surfer boy Jon Johnson a few minutes into episode 5 of “Manhunt”. During a set visit to Access Hollywood, Jon was asked by anchor-babe Shawn Robinson why he should win the big prize and that’s the best he could up with, which proves that narcissistic bullshit bravado doesn’t come naturally to all reality stars. Some folks have to really work at being full of themselves and I, for one, am grateful that Jon J’s not quite there yet.

The guys all seem thrilled to be on the set of Access and hanging out with the Hollywood-skinny Shawn Robinson, but I’m willing to bet that if we could see the guys’ cartoon thought bubbles, at least one of them would be thinking, ‘What, no Nancy O’Dell? Is she too high and mighty for us?’

Then it’s off to the beach where gay Rob confirms one stereotype — that gay guys can’t catch a ball — and confounds another one — that gay’s aren’t into sports cars. Rob went nuts for the yellow Lamborghini that the volleyball challenge winners got to drive. Alas, Rob was not on the winning team so he had to stand there and watch Hunter, Maurice and Jon take turns behind the wheel. It looks like they only got to drive it back and forth in the parking lot a few times so Rob didn’t seem to miss out on much. Sex goddess/hostess Carmen Electra ends the segment with one of her signature come-ons: “I hope you enjoyed your ride.”

That night, the gang goes to a fancy dinner where they’re joined by six hot Hollywood babes. By all accounts, the girls were jaded, crazy, chain-smoking pains in the ass but it’s never established if they were meant to be obnoxious — like the improv comics posing as ad execs in episode 104 — or if they were just being their
insufferable selves. In any event, Jon J. said he wanted to smack them. That would have been good TV.

Then it’s off to the White Lotus where Carmen reappears to do Lambada with the guys. In this sequence, Hunter turns into a Pussycat Doll before our eyes, doffing his clothes, licking his lips and giving strangers lap dances. Though Jeff Rayner, the paparazzi guy who’s there secretly photographing the guys says, “I would advise him to keep the shirt on, less dry humping,” you know the show’s producers are thinking, “Lose the shirt, more dry humping…wet humping, too, if you’ve got it. We’ve got to take down VH-1.”

Back at the Standard, the room service tray arrives with the following note:

We’ve seen you dressed down
But can you dress up
On this photo shoot
We finally get down to business

What the hell? I thought the room service notes were supposed to rhyme. I hope someone got fired for that.

For the big photo shoot, the guys finally get to wear clothes; more specifically suits from H. Lorenzo. They look great in them but I think the shoot’s LA street setting leaves a little to be desired. It looks like they shot it on the street in front of the production offices. I was worried I might see myself wander through the shot on the way to my ATM.

Then it’s time for the elimination and I hate to say it, but Carmen’s hair looks dull and lifeless in this episode. By the way, where are they shooting these elimination scenes at? The space has this weird, limbo-land, warehouse vibe to it. I kept waiting for Carmen to say, “Can you guys try to keep it down. They’re shooting Show Dogs Moms and Dads on the other side of that wall.”

One of my favorite little moments of this episode comes when the guys are in the holding area waiting to hear who’s going home. Tate has to remove a water bottle from the plastic six-pack holder in order to drink it. Maybe the craft services person wrote the non-rhyming room service poem and got shown the door. But I don’t think models should have to extricate their own water bottles, even on cable.

Then it’s time for Carmen to announce whose going home. I so wanted her to pull a Tyra and say, “I have four index cards in my hand…” in her best, whispery, little girl voice. But instead she says, “Tate, that was your last shot.”

Tate, our resident party boy, takes it really hard and flies into a tear-filled rage. Oh wait, no he doesn’t. He just says, “It’s over now. It’s good. I can go home and see my little boy.”

Next week, the remaining five guys are off to Puerto Rico or as Hunter says, “all the way across the country.” Stay tuned to see if Hunter has a really uncomfortable moment in an airport bathroom with Ricky Martin. It could happen.

But then the holiday break came (and went) and we got some iTunes gift certificates in our stocking. Guess what we did with them. We downloaded “Heroes”, which yes, we know is old news. But we’re slow sometimes.

Anyway: Matt Lanter is a creepy high school rapist!

Yes, rapist. The first episode of “Heroes” … no Matt. But then in episode two and three he goes from football player stud to date rapist. The result is a disgusting scene with a cheerleader ending up dead and on an autopsy table. Very “Six Feet Under.”

But we gotta give a shout out to our boy Matt. He is great on “Manhunt” not taking anything too seriously. And he’s done great in his acting career. We hope he comes back to “Heroes”, but he’s already moved on.

Can you believe they are making (finally) a sequel to Wargames? Well, he’s in it. Dude was in “Commander in Chief”, “Shark”, and “Big Love”.

Check out Matt’s IMDB page.

Seems like there will only be big things in Matt’s future.

And there is so much to read about him online: EW, a Hometown TV channel.

“They had corncobs so far up their butt they were making popcorn.”

Think of Manblogging as the director's cut of "Manhunt" without a director. (Did the show have a director?) We decided it doesn't matter and wrangled L.A. author, OUTzone blogger, radio host, and all-around funny man Dennis Hensley to give us the couch potato's take on each episode.

This astute assessment was offered by ““Manhunt” ” contestant Hunter after undergoing what the show’s promos call ‘the interview from hell’ (IFH) in episode 4.

Hunter’s corncob comment is in keeping with a theme I’ve noticed lately on modeling shows where jovial contestants crack wise about the uptightness of their authority figures and then pay a terrible price. “Top Model” winner Caridee, in regards to a stick ‘noted’ fashion photographer judge Nigel Barker was holding, asked if the it was the same stick he had up his ass during judges’ panel and you’d have thought she accidentally ran over his family in a SUV. Everyone from Tyra on down acted as though she’d committed a faux pas that could cost her the whole competition and haunt her for the rest of her life. I maintain that Caridee’s quip was funny, charming and not unjustified. Caridee’s big mistake was assuming that someone who is a ‘personality’ on one of these shows might actually have a sense of humor about themselves.

But back to “Manhunt”.

Somewhere all the guys went ot a spa. Giggles ensued. Then off to the interviews from hell, the contestants had to choose from a line-up of various products to shoot a print ad for. The guys who did the best in the interview from hell got to pick first. The picking scene was another time when you sort of wish they were neurotic girls. The guys were actually supportive of each other. It was like, “You want the sunglasses, dude?” “That’s cool. I’ll take the iPod.” “Hurry up and pick, Kevin, so we can go to Scores.”

It was quick, painless and drama-free. With girls you would have had a bunch of eye rolling, name calling and door slamming followed by a scene with ‘the bitchy one’ in the confessional claiming, “I can be a bitch sometimes but that’s just the way I am. I didn’t come here to make friends.”

Gay Rob did something cool in the picking scene though—he picked the designer toilet paper as his product. His strategy seems to be, “Hey, anyone can rock a sports car but it takes a true model to sell designer Charmin to the masses.”

Good for him. We’ll see if his strategy pays off.

Kevin O. got upset because he had to model bike shorts and a helmet. Maybe it’s just because I happen to enjoy looking at men in Lycra but I don’t get why he thought it was such a tough sell. You’d think he was stuck with modeling a Hot Dog on a Stick uniform. If the love triangle of Lance Armstrong, Jake Gyllenhaal. and Matthew McConaughey have taught us anything, it’s that bike shorts do a body good.

When Kevin O. won’t shut up about his bike gear frustrations, embedded model Kevin P. says something so simple, yet profound, that I’m thinking of having a refrigerator magnet made out of it: “You can rock anything you want to.” Now those are some words to live by.

Then there’s a subplot involving diuretics. I’m not even sure what they are. I guess they’re pills that people take to make them lose water weight or something. Paulo’s popping them like crazy because he’s not enough the way he is. I want “Manhunt” to do a cross promotion with “Intervention” where Paulo gets sent to rehab for his diuretics abuse. We could double our pleasure, double our fun, like when “Charlie’s Angels” went on “The Love Boat”.

There’s also a montage at Bally’s Gym where the guys get their workout on. Hunter is my favorite here because he seems to be doing his own late 80’s high-impact aerobic routine. It’s super gay and wonderful, though the other guys regard him with looks that say, “Um, we’re not with him.”

Hunter’s workout routine reminds me of a VHS tape from my collection that I came across early this year and have been replaying non-stop; “The Scott Madsen Workout.” Okay, who remembers Scott Madsen?

He was the hot guy in the Soloflex ads in the 80s. Well, he, like everyone from Cher to Alyssa Milano, had his own workout video in the mid-80s. I took the time to pirate it when it came out and have been enjoying ever since although I’ve never actually worked out with it. His body is as insane as we all remember but it’s his wardrobe that I love most—headbands, half shirts and little nylon jogging shorts. Fantastic. At one point during the intense aerobic kicks section he disappears for like a minute leaving an assistant to lead the group. The he returns a few minutes leader and joins right in again without missing a beat. Where did he go? Well, I like to imagine that whatever old rich gay guy was keeping him at the time and funding the video needed attention and when daddy snaps his fingers, you hop to, even if the cameras are rolling. Does anyone know what became of Scott Madsen? We need him back.

How did we get off on Scott Madsen?

Oh yeah, Hunter’s retro Jazzercize moves. Hunter, in case you haven’t noticed, is obsessed with his stomach. He’s never had the perfect stomach and it kills him, which is bad for him but good for me. I love to see gorgeous people on TV beat themselves up about the way they look. It takes the pressure of the rest of us to try and pull it together. When hot people get down on themselves, it makes me think that there are basically two options when it comes to looks and fitness.

1) I could enjoy chips and salsa and hate my body or

2) I work out all the time, lay off the chips and salsa and still hate my body.

So the answer’s pretty easy. Pass the Tostito’s.

Then “Manhunt” does something that I find unforgivable in a reality show—the tease without the follow-through. Keanu-esque Jon Johnson announces to the group, “I’m going to go shave my balls,” then disappears down the hallway. But the cameras don’t follow him. We see none of the ball-shaving. Guess we’ll have to take his word for it that they’re nice and smooth. Nothing personal Bravo, but Fox would have served it up.

Paulo, whose hair is apparently thinning but it doesn’t look thinning to me, opened his shirt on his motorcycle photo and rocked the shit out of it. He had the best shot of all, if you ask me, yet he’ll go on to get the boot.

Rob, who chose to pose with the toilet paper, tries to wrap it around him but it keeps breaking. “It’s real cheap,” he says … shocking given the extravagant budget of the show.

At one point, Matt announces that he’s got a bubble butt. I like to hear straight guys use the term bubble butt.

Then it becomes clear that Rob is gay. Rob assumed everyone knew but small-town Southern boy Hunter, for one, was in the dark. He said he had “never even heard someone saying they were gay before.” I find this interesting because Hunter was seen unabashedly doing gay-robics just a few scenes earlier. Hunter’s got a lot to learn. I wonder where he is today, pitching a show to Logo perhaps?

Then Jon J. reads the letter from the room service tray saying it’s time for the big elimination. As a reality watcher, I believe that there is no upside to being the person who reads the Tyra mail or the tree mail or whatever it is. They’re usually dumb poems that don’t flow and if there’s words you don’t know, you run the risk of looking like a tool. Let Melrose or someone be show-offy and read it and then roll your eyes if they screw it up.

When the judges ask Kevin P., the embedded model, for his take on things, he says, “I think Kevin O would have the hardest time being eliminated.” He actually has to rack his brain to come up with a contestant who actually cares.

Then the judges say some dumb things. Male model godfather Bruce Hulse proclaims, “This is the Superbowl of male modeling. Let’s take it to the next notch.” I’d say it’s more like the Hula Bowl but whatever you say Bruce.

Then Photographer Kim Notch tells Hunter, “You could add a little more masculinity.”

“Could you give me an example?” asks Hunter.

“Not so feminine,” says Kim. Thanks, Kim. That clears it up.

The Kevin O. the Bike Shorts Crybaby, Paulo the Perfectionist, Jason the Saint and Matt the Bubble Butt Boy get the old heave-ho. I know Paulo was probably a pain in the ass but I still think he was robbed. I’d like to buy him a cheeseburger and let him talk out his feelings. I’m sure he has lots of them.

A for Matt, after getting the boot he doesn't seem too distraught. He says he's more a TV and film guy anyway. When he says that, the tendency is to think, 'Oh yeah, right. Good luck with that.' But Matt has worked non-stop as an actor since "Manhunt", turning up in recurring roles on "Commander and Chief" and now the smash hit "Heroes". Matt Lanter is the Jennifer Hudson of "Manhunt"! Let's see if he thanks Bruce Hulce when he wins his Emmy.

Before the guys get eliminated, Carmen has another priceless Carmen moment that I’d like to end this installment with because bringing it home with Carmen always makes everyone feel good. When she brings out Tate and stands him next to the shot of him holding a pretzel like it’s a cigar, she coos, “Judges, meet Tate. He worked the pretzel. Work that pretzel, work it out, work that pretzel, work it, work it.”

She made it both fun and dirty because that’s her gift.

This line comes pretty early on in episode 3 of “Manhunt”. Of course, it seems like it figures prominently in every episode of “Manhunt”. In fact, I think that was the working title of the show.

The show does so much leering at the aspiring cover boys that I feel I may end up having to testify in a harassment lawsuit just for watching. To me, there’s an undercurrent to the show where it’s about gay producers getting to have power over the hot straight guys who titillated/tormented them in high school.

“Don’t want to wear the corset Hunter? Well, tough shit because I’m calling the shots now…so get down to your skivvies.”

My roommate and I have this running joke on this theme we call, “One phone call.” Whenever there’s a hot guy being used as eye candy at like a benefit or in a parade or what-have-you, I would be willing to bet that it took one phone call to land him. I maintain that those guys never turn those gigs down even though they probably don’t pay much, if at all. It takes one phone call to book them, a call that might go something like this:

ORGANIZER: Hey Kevin. My name is Dan. I see you at the gym sometimes.

KEVIN: Oh, uh, yeah.

ORGANIZER: I’m on the board of such and such a charity and we’re having our big fundraiser soon and we need a hot guy in a Speedo to walk out at the end with Margaret Cho and help present the giant check and you were the first person to come to mind. You don’t have to talk or dance or anything. You just have to walk out there and be hot.

KEVIN: Hmmm.

ORGANIZER: I’m sorry we can’t pay you anything because it’s a benefit but it’s going to be fun and it’s for a really good cause.

KEVIN: When is it?

ORGANIZER: September 1.

KEVIN: Oh, that’s my sister’s wedding.

ORGANIZER: Oh, too bad. Another time then.

KEVIN: Wait, wait, wait. Don’t hang up. What time is it at?

ORGANIZER: It’s at 7:00 but you wouldn’t come on until the end, around 9:30.

KEVIN: Hmmm. Maybe I could leave after the wedding and miss the reception and get there by 9:00.

ORGANIZER: Are you sure? Family weddings are a really big deal.

KEVIN: My sister would understand. It’s for my career.

ORGANIZER: The event is in Pasadena. Where’s the wedding?

KEVIN: San Diego.

ORGANIZER: That’s too far, I’m afraid. You’ll never make it. Thanks anyway. We’ll get you in there another time.

KEVIN: Wait, wait, wait. Don’t hang up. What if chartered a helicopter? I really want to be there, you know, to support the cause. And if you need another guy, I have a buddy I could call…

My point is that hot guys love to do things where they get to be hot guys, which I totally get. If I had the bod, I’d be right there with them, dancing on the float in front of Taylor Dayne or whatever. They bust their ass at the gym and they want to show it off, which it why I don’t feel too bad for the “Manhunt” guys when the camera pans down to their crotches as they talk about going commando and wearing “nuthuggers.”

It’s a two way street and I like the view from the sidewalk.

In this episode our models try to do a commercial in Japanese and then take part in a gender-bending photo shoot involving lots of eyeliner, corsets and awkward assertions of masculinity.

The Japanese people doing the commercial seem like comedians from the Groundlings doing a bit. I’d be surprised if there was even a tape in their cameras. Cocky South African Paulo does the best in the commercial, which I pleased about. When “Manhunt” originally aired I didn’t like him but now he’s my favorite because he really wants it. Paulo asks the Japanese people what the line he’s saying actually means. Though the show likes to paint Paulo as a control freak, I think it’s perfectly pertinent question. Call me crazy but it seems like if you’re saying a line in a commercial, it might help you communicate it if you knew what it meant.

Paulo brings up an interesting aspect of the show for me involving gender. See, no matter how you slice, dice or edit it, guys who know they’re hot just aren’t as crazy, catty and insecure as girls who fall asleep every night worried sick that they’re not pretty/thin enough.

Paulo is the only “Manhunt-er” who seems like he might kill himself if the judges don’t shine on him. On a certain other show involving young female would-be models, it’s pretty much everyone and that’s what makes it fun.

Before we get to the avant-garde photo shoot, I’d like to share a few random thoughts about the “Manhunt”ers:

• My roommate saw gay Rob at Here Lounge in Weho a few weeks ago and he says he looks the same, which is to say good. By the way, I’m surprised that Rob didn’t know Kevin Peake’s was a mole right off the bat because I pretty sure Kevin has been in the Undergear catalog and most gay guys know their Undergear.

• Tate looks exactly like “Facts of Life” era George Clooney and I think he should capitalize on that. He should crash George’s premiers, pick out some hot and/or rich ladies that have had too much to drink, tell them he’s George, bang them and then get them to buy him things. He could have a house in Lake Cuomo by ’08. Tate also pissed in a cup at one point, which is vintage Clooney pranskterism.

• Blonde country boy Jason is one of the most decent people I’ve ever seen on television. Good-natured to a fault, he says, “H-E-double hockey sticks” instead of “hell”. His momma raised him hot. I mean, right. He’s so down-to-earth and kind-hearted, he should teach empowerment workshops. I’m thinking of getting a bracelet made that says WWJD? What would Jason do?

In the second half of the show the men learn that they’re going to be doing some contorting at the next shoot. They learn this via a letter that arrives on a room service tray. This got me thinking, wouldn’t it be fun for reality fans if letters like this could cross show boundaries and networks? Like how cool would it be to get Tyra Mail on “Survivor” island? Or Tree Mail on “The Apprentice”? I’d also like to see the designers on “Project Runway” have to contend with a sky-diving Road Block on The Amazing Race. My point is: it’s time to start interbreeding. I hope you can scuba dive, Uli.

(Speaking of “Survivor”, though I liked Yul fine, I’m inconsolable that Ossie didn’t win the million. He played flawlessly, was less full of shit in the finale than Yul and looked like “Blossom” -era Joey Lawrence when he cleaned up. If I were a super-rich gay like David Geffen or someone, I’d give Ossie a million from my own pocket and all he’d have to do is make out with Yul while I filmed it for my private use. He could even throw Parvati in there if he wanted to.)

Okay, onto the photo shoot which is all about pushing the guys out of their “comfort zones.” For my money, the whole sequence worked a bit too hard to try and expose the models paranoia and homophobia. It started with hair and make up guy / judge John Stapleton walking in and saying, “Gentlemen, or should I say ladies.” You could tell he hated saying it but someone made him.

Then the guys went through hair and make-up and what I like to call the Squeamish Inquisition. The hair and make up team had clearly been coaxed to try and push the guys buttons by saying things like, “Do you think you’re going to get teased after this?” They were so relentless in their quest to get bigoted soundbytes from the guys that I actually felt sorry for the models. Here’s a sampling to the guys responses:

“My friends will probably give me crap but oh well.”

“My dad is going to disown me.”

“I will definitely get a lot of crap at the Braves for this.”

“I don’t want to look like a pansy in this picture. I want to look cool.”

“I wouldn’t let anyone see me this way.”

Talk about leading the witnesses. Though some of the shots were quite striking, I felt like the limits of the budget were evident in this shoot. The guys were all put into outrageous gay gladiator wear and then shot in an office building that I suspect might have been upstairs from the show’s production office. They couldn’t take a van to like Medieval Times or something? At one point during Ron’s shoot, the elevator doors open behind him revealing two bewildered people in what looks like tourists garb. I expected someone to say, “The “Jeopardy” auditions are on the fifth floor.”

I also have a problem with the prop sharing. I feel like if a model is going to pose in a cage or on a “bondage bench,” he should be the only one. He shouldn’t have to share his prop. If I’m going to be the Cage Guy, I want to be the only Cage Guy.

In the final judging sequence, model turned mentor Bruce Hulse continued to win me over by saying things like, “I’m not a fan of this sort of picture,” and “I want to go fishing with you sometime.”

Then Carmen and her lovely jugs told Ron and Seth, “That was your last shot.”

I could watch her say that again and again on a loop, I love it so much. Hey Bravo, is it too late to turn that into a ringtone? --Dennis Hensley

It’s this weird dance that’s going on. At some moments, I think, ‘Get over it, hottie. Just because you wear a kilt doesn’t make you a sodomite,’ and other moments I feel like the poor hunks are being excessively objectified, like I want to say to the production team, ‘How ‘bout you just cop a feel of Hunter’s package and get it over with.’

On “Top Model,” for all of Tyra’s nutty narcissism, there’s a part of her that seems cares about the girls and wants to help them succeed. The “Manhunt” folks just want to get the guys in their undies as soon and as often as possible. Not that I have a problem with that.

The models who come off the best are the guys who don’t sweat the ‘gay’ stuff, like the Keanu-esque Jon J. who went bowling in his make-up and braids from the day’s photo shoot. I think that’s cool.

My other favorite moments of “Manhunt” so far are when the contestants talk shit about their mentor / drill sergeant, veteran male model Bruce Hulce, behind his back. Matthew says that the only thing he learned from Bruce is ‘how to be a cocky asshole.’ It’s at that moment that I decide that I want Matthew to go all the way. Maybe Hulce’s bravado is an act for the camera (Read his interview here: He says it definitely was an act.) but boy, it’s overbearing. I’m surprised his title card doesn’t say, Bruce “I like pussy” Hulse. Tim Gunn is fantastic on “Project Runway” because he’s all about the contestants.

Bruce is all about Bruce.

Lest this be nothing but a negative rant, I will now sing the praises of Carmen Electra. The thing I love about Carmen is that you never know where she’ll turn up next. She jumps around the Hollywood food chain like she’s on a pogo stick. One minute, she’s in a big studio comedy like Scary Movie, the next she’s trotting out her relationship with Dave Navarro on a reality show, the next she’s putting out a stripper-size workout video, the next she’s hosting “Manhunt”.

One might be tempted to ask, “What does Carmen turn down?” but I admire Carmen’s ‘a paycheck’s a paycheck’ work ethic. She’s not above anything. She’s the Suzanne Somers of the new millennium and she seems like a nice person, to boot. She’s jiggling all the way to the bank and I hope she continues to do so indefinitely. Oh, and I love the way she says the show’s catch phrase, “That was your last shot,” as though it’s a come on.

It’s almost as if her subtext is, “Go ahead and touch ‘em. That’s what they’re there for.”

At the end of episode 2, shaggy-haired Utah native John S. got the boot, which is kind of a shame because he has some pretty good, full-of-himself sound-bytes. The rejection clearly it didn’t break him, though, because he turned up recently on “The Janice Dickenson Modeling Agency.” I went to the launch party for the JDMA where I had the good fortune of standing behind John S. at the bar and I have to say he is very striking in person. He had on these low-waisted slacks and his tush demanded that you keep stealing glances at it even if you were on a date, as I was. It wouldn’t take no for an answer and it didn’t have to.

Looking forward to episode three. Oh, and one thing “Manhunt” has that Top Model doesn’t is prayer circles. I love a good prayer circle, particularly if the people praying are hot guys in their boxer briefs.

Who else hunts men, but gay men? Well, casting agents, but who cares about them.

One of our favorite gossip items, which we enjoy reliving now involves Hunter, the homophobic one. Okay, so he's just "uncomfortable" around gay guys, maybe he's not pathological. Anyway: this link on Fleshbot used to go to a toe-sucking video.

THE MANUNT CONTINUES

Anyone still have the link?

He's a nice gay guy working at Armani Exchange. Hey Tom, give us a call!

This is supposedly a screen grab from his old personal ad on nerve.com. Oh, if only we had Daniel Craig's super James Bond powers to decipher it.

Watching episode 1 of “Manhunt” is an overwhelming experience. Like Thanksgiving at Grandma’s house when the table is overflowing with so many dishes you want to try (or have to try so as not to insult Aunt Betty who spent all night on the six bean casserole). Really, there’s just so much going on, so many contestants, so much stripping down to bad underwear…

Okay, stop.

Yes, “Manhunt” is early reality TV, but didn’t these guys think to wear their best underwear? I mean, really. My mom taught me to wear my best underwear every day when I was about five-years-old and getting my first physical at the pediatrician.

Since then: no bad underwear allowed. Ever.

But onward toward the real, er, meat of “Manhunt Episode 1.” It/they arrive simultaneously as the bad underwear. Host Bruce Hulse reads each guy up-side-down-and-sideways. (Do we love, or hate him? I think love, no? The grizzled gray hair is sexy, no?)

Question #19 and 20: Did Calvin pay for the product placement? Did the guys get extra pairs? We hope so.

And then a bunch of guys are randomly dismissed. This is a lame sequence. We don't know why other than they were weird? They smelled? We don't find out and enough beefcake remains that it doesn't really matter.

And then the guys go skydiving. In their underwear. This is probably the best few minutes … ever. Why is it not on YouTube? Why is it not on “America’s Funniest Home Videos” Cable Edition? (Yes, I know that doesn’t exist; it’s a joke.)

But skydiving in your underwear is the #1 cause of wedgies. What’s #2? The bully on the playground. #3 is jury duty; don’t ask.

We would love the wedgie scenes immensely. Don’t know what’s better, the flying part when they get the wedgies or the landing part when they crash/fall/etc.? Poor Casey.

The guy practically wets himself with fear of flying. It’s sad, really, ‘cause dude is obviously scared to death. But he does it; he jumps. And we love him – and his awful(!) hair – all over again. Note that we’re talking about the hair on top of his head. He, like everyone else is shaved smooth everywhere else.

Question #44: Were the contestants told to shave their bodies? Because there is absolutely no body hair – anywhere. (Paulo: I know you have body hair. Where is it? Brett: You big, blond oaf. Show us your hair!)

Not that I’m a big hairy-beast lover. But I do like hair on some guys, men who just look like they need to be hairy. Shaving can make a grown man look about 18-years-old in five seconds. And sometimes a 27-year-old should look like a 27-year-old.

But back at the “Manhunt” house aka The Standard hotel in Los Angeles where we see the guys in their rooms.

Now really, did they have to bunk 16 guys in each room or whatever crowded number it really is? They look squished. “Real World” on MTV this is not. They must have spent the budget on catering since they didn’t break the bank to give the guys proper sleeping situations.

Tangent alert: Those sheets! The orange/red ones. Two years ago I went to this tacky-genius-kitschy hotel owned by the girl from the band, The B-52s. Kate Pierson! That’s her name.

Check it out HERE

Anyway: my boyfriend and I stayed at Kate’s Lazy Meadow Hideaway and THEY HAVE THE MANHUNT SHEETS! Or is it that The Standard has Kate Pierson’s sheets? To tell you the truth the thread count is low, and they’re a bit scratchy. And I’m not a sheet queen.

But back to the guys. A party ensues and the boys try and butch it up. This gets a bit uncomfortable to watch. Gay straight I don’t know. It all seems a bit forced. But bedtime calls for a return to underwear, even some bad underwear, and so no complaints … until next week.