Gay Uncle to The Rescue

May 08, 2008

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Outzone: Most people we know are freaked out about having kids and passing on their emotional baggage to them, like their parents did. We know you’re not a shrink but do you deal with this in your book at all?

BB: We're all such a mess, and having a kid is such a crapshoot (you could be one of those unlucky people whose kid is born an a-hole), that it's extremely difficult not to hand down some sort of baggage. That's one of the big reasons why I decided not to have kids of my own (besides the fact that their sleep schedules tend to be the total opposite of mine, and they make such a mess.) I think it's fine for people to not have kids. There's nothing selfish about that decision, any more than there's something inherently generous about having a child. (I often refer to having kids as "the ultimate vanity project."

That said, my book definitely gives extremely straightforward advice and point-by-point instructions for how to divest your own kooky emotionality and insanity from situations in which it does not belong with your kids, how not to worry about your child "liking" you all the time, and how to insert a bit of rationality into contemporary parenting. I want to note that the book in no way advocates the kind of stern proto-militaristic parenting advocated by shows like Nanny 911. It's about creating age appropriate expectations and boundaries, and then having fun within them. I'm a fun-lover, not a fun-sucker.

Outzone: Why do you think gays are looked to as advice gurus?

BB: That's an easy one. It's because we're smarter, wittier, and better looking than straight people. Oh, and classier. Also, I think that our "outsider" perspective--gleaned from years of being tortured as young people for not fitting in--gives us a unique way of looking at the world, one that necessarily sees dumb conventional systems for what they are (blind adherence) and seeks out the compelling in-between places which privilege creative thinking. Of course, all gay people don't play these roles. I've met hordes of really extraordinarily boring gay people, and my straight friends are all intelligent and insightful.

Outzone: You’re in a super-long term relationship with your boyfriend. We’re very impressed. How did you do that? Do you think you might write an advice book about that some day?

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