The Very End

June 12, 2008

This is a finale we were super-excited about. And it didn’t disappoint. Lisa “brought it”, whiz kid Richard choked and Stephanie prevailed despite self-doubt. Plus Eric Ripert is so handsome.

Tom lays down the rules: four course tasting menu: fish, poultry, red meat and dessert. Stephanie and Lisa both shocked/dismayed about dessert. Really guys? Really? Still? Learn some desserts and learn ‘em good, next Top Chef contestants. It’s a no-brainer.

The beginning was crazy because we were like, “What! They get famous sous chefs?” So that they fact that they were limited in their proteins, seemed totally overshadowed with good news.

Stephanie gets Ripert. Richard gets Dan Barber. Lisa gets April Bloomfield and says “girl power” about it.

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Ain’t Nothin But a Plantain

June 05, 2008

Lisa’s got a new lesbionic haircut. And we’re glad. It’s about time there were some lesbians on TV with short hair (see our many rants about The L Word). Maybe her new haircut will give her secret, gay superpowers. You know what we’re talking about. And okay, okay, we know a lot people really dislike her, but we are only mildly disgruntled with her bad attitude. Sure she’s sort a bit of a curmudgeon, but at least she hasn’t ever grabbed her crotch and screamed outright at anyone. And if anything we can’t help but be a little on the side of the one that everybody’s against.

But it’s also a true pleasure to see Richard and Steph. Except that Steph is wearing a T-shirt that says “I (heart) Tahoe Boys.” That’s random. And very hetero. Sigh.

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Steak Haus

May 29, 2008

So at the beginning of the episode, it’s down to the Final Five, which we can’t help but equate with Battlestar Galactica. They could all be cylons. Except Stephanie. Who couldn’t be. No way.

They get taken to Allen Brothers Meat where they are given gigantic slabs of ribeye to butcher into chops, which seems totally daunting to everyone but Spike.

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Nice Guys Finish First

May 22, 2008

Hot dream or creepy nightmare? Tom Collichio sneaking around in the dark in your house before six am. We’re leaning towards creepy, even though he’s sternly handsome and all.

There are only six contestants left (well five now, but you know at the beginning of this episode). Anyhow, the reason Tom is acting all strange is that he’s come to wake them all up to go cook the egg station at short order breakfast places. A few of us around these parts have actually done this and can attest to its hellishness. And that Helene looks like one tough cookie. She stands there and shakes her head at them. That seems worse than the heat and the orders piling up.

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Sexy Salads and Cooking for Cops

May 15, 2008

Spike’s hat and attitude are even more wack this week. Are we the only ones who’ve had just about enough of him? Richard on the other hand can do no wrong in our eyes. Even though he wears pink crocs. Which normally we would find totally offensive. But for some reason we think he’s cute for it. Everyone in the house is over Dale’s cranky, competitive loner attitude. In general everyone is totally beatdown by wedding wars. Except Andrew. Who’s brand of energy is excessive and scary, “I’m either gonna stab somebody or make some amazing food.”

The guest judge is Sam Talbot of Season 2. Antonia’s visibly blushing and giggling like an adolescent girl and is like, “Sign me up.” They brought sexy Sam back to bring sexy salad back. Spike says he’s going to make a salad that makes you say, “Let’s have sex after we eat this salad.” Well, it’s literal, at least.

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Sleep Deprivation 101

May 08, 2008

We’re not sure why the torture element is necessary. Obviously it spices up the drama a bit, but really it just made us feel bad for all the chefs. By the time they got to judges table, they all looked like zombies or mummies or something. But we’ll get to that, let’s go back to the beginning.

Andrew and Spike miss Mark and so spend some time hugging to make themselves feel better. We really like to watch straight guys cuddling. We also miss Mark.

Antonia comments that this is the first time four women have made it this far and that it’s a very even gender playing field. True, true. It’s also that point in the competition where immunity gets taken away. No more freebies, folks.

Padma and Tom come out to greet the chefs and Padma is looking extra hot in that military jacket. They announce the return of the relay race. Everyone is excited and pumped about this. They split into two teams, the forks and the spoons and divide up who gets what part of the relay.

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Top Kids

May 01, 2008

This episode was low on drama and heavy on children. And some of those kids were so darn cute that we wanted to pinch their cheeks. But we’ll get to that. Antonia starts out very determined, like a fierce tigress out to protect her young. And apparently that pays off.

Art Smith (Oprah’s personal chef) is the guest judge and his whole thing is simple, fast and healthy. So the quickfire is to make a fabulous entrée in 15 minutes. We’re not sure we could cut up an onion in 15 minutes. But they do get to use Uncle Ben’s 90 second rice. Seriously, we’re waiting for the challenge where they have to use macaroni and cheese. Everyone’s yelling “Behind you!” and “Under you!” and running around like maniacs.

Stephanie seems like she’s getting more confident, which is good, even though she kind of screws the pooch on this challenge. But we’re behind you Steph!

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